


(can we) start over

by desitonystark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hopeful Ending, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), pre slash, there genuinely will come a day when i don't talk about civil war or write about civil war, today is just not that day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 11:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19927087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desitonystark/pseuds/desitonystark
Summary: When Tony was 20 years old, he lost the man he was going to marry and his parents all at once2 decades later, in Siberia, he manages to do it all over again(or unnecessary cacw angst fic, but make it bucktony)





	(can we) start over

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1: “are we really going to do this here?” (and i’ve also lowkey mixed in secret caretaking)
> 
> \--
> 
> for winteriron-week
> 
> \--
> 
> set in an alternate universe where Tony and James were college sweetheart, as a part of James’ mission to get close to the Starks and eventually kill them. Tony is aged up slightly here; so he’s 20 when his parents die and 19 when he meets James

Tony watches the security footage over and over like a man possessed. In the one week since the pardons went through and the ‘Rogues’ touched down in Upstate New York, James has hovered around the workshop for anywhere between one and five hours, hand raised in an aborted knock but he’s never come in.

Tony only knows because Rhodey was due back state-side today, and he turned on the footage so he could keep an eye on when he would be coming into the workshop. He wanted the braces to be a surprise, and he didn’t need Rhodey sneaking up behind him and spoiling it.

“How long has he been there?” he asked FRIDAY, when he sees James come up to the door, almost knock, and then back-peddle a couple of steps before doing it all over again, “He’s been doing this every day this week Boss”

And Tony was intrigued, so he watches. He watches as James runs his flesh hand through hair that Tony never remembers being quite that long, he watches James rub at stubble that he can feel against his thigh like it was yesterday, he watches James bite his lip and absent-mindedly wishes that he was the one pressing teeth into it.

He watches like a man possessed, unable to tear away from the screen; until Rhodey shows up and James leaves, and Tony tries his very best to pretend like he’s completely unbothered by the whole situation.

“You know that I know right?” Rhodey says as he wheels himself in, and Tony bites back a curse because if he hadn’t been so busy stalking an ex, maybe the braces would’ve been ready and Rhodey would be walking again.

“Know what buttercup?” he says in an approximation of nonchalance, but one look at Rhodey and he knows he hasn’t bought it and he just, deflates.

“That’s your James isn’t it. The one from college?” Rhodey presses on, “The one who upped and left just after your parents died?”

“Turns out,” Tony says into the air, refusing to meet Rhodey’s gaze, “He only dated me because his Handlers needed him to get close enough to kill them. Know their schedule, when they’d be out and unguarded and all that. So,” he shrugs, “Its all a bit convoluted now”

“Tones,” Rhodey says in that insufferable voice, and Tony just melts in his arms; burying his head in Rhodey’s shoulder and pretending like he isn’t crying.

\--

Rhodey refuses to leave the Compound after that, which makes the whole secret braces thing extremely hard so Tony just caves and tells him about it; makes it a collaborative work. They work day in and day out, and Rhodey wheels himself in and out of the workshop periodically and comes back with a tray of food that neither of them comment on, because Tony would rather not know how a man who can’t even balance himself for a couple of seconds is able to make food in a kitchen clearly envisioned for people with working legs. 

They go through a couple dozen variations of prosthetics before they finally decide on a model that they’re both happy with, and Tony collapses against the ratty couch in exhaustion; staying awake long enough to mumble at FRIDAY to start production.

The footage from outside the workshop stays on the whole time; but nobody says anything.

\--

Despite his best efforts, Tony still runs into James a month later. He’s in the kitchen making himself some ramen when someone pads in. He turns to greet whoever it is, but the words get stuck in his mouth when he sees James. He’s shirtless, which is absurdly the first thing that Tony notices, before he sees the dark circles and tear tracks on his cheeks. He swallows and wets his lips, trying to regain control of his throat long enough to say, “Are you okay?”

James huffs slightly, taking the olive branch for what it is and settling down against the kitchen counter, “Jus’ one of those nights.” They sit in relative silence; Tony eating his ramen and James with his eyes half closed; fingers rubbing at his temple.

“I’m sorry,” he says apropos of nothing, and it startles Tony so much that he burns his tongue on the ramen soup. James turns so he’s facing Tony completely, “I’ve been tryna- I haven’t had a chance to - I wanted you to know I was sorry”

Tony’s mouth is working before he can stop it, “For killing my parents, or for letting me believe that you loved me for an entire year before that?”

James flinches and instantly Tony regrets his words, but they’re out there, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

“Is both an option?” he asks and Tony sighs, setting down his bowl and saying, “Are we really going to do this here?”

There’s a hitch in James’ throat, and Tony pauses for a second, before delicately saying, “Look I know it wasn’t in your control. I know that you had no choice, that your mission,” he puts up finger quotes, “was to seduce me for intel about my parents. I know that, but I still can’t forget the fact that you broke my heart James. I was 20 years old, and I lost my parents and the man I wanted to marry all at once.”

“I can’t just move on from that, and I can’t blame you either because you had no control over your actions,” he spread his hands out helplessly, “I don’t know where that leaves us”

James is quiet for so long that Tony can feel the tension stifling him. He pushes off against the kitchen island, and he’s almost at the door when James whispers, “I loved you too”

Tony freezes.

“It started out as a mission, but the longer I was out of cyro, the more I gained control of my agency, and the more I fell in love with you. The day I had to kill your parents, they put me in the Chair for 6 hours; until the only thing I could remember was your eyes. It’s in the reports, I’m sure you’ll find it if you look hard enough. Every single time I was woken up, the first thing I looked for was your eyes.”

“Eventually,” he cuts off, and Tony forces himself to not turn around, to not face James, “Eventually they caught onto what was happening, and my Handlers started bearing a suspicious resemblance to you.”

“Tony I,” he knows what James is about to say even before he says it, but it still makes his heart shatter, “I still love you. I’ve loved you since you were 19 years old and I didn’t even know my name, and I love you now”

He stands there for the longest time, unable to move, before quietly replying, “I don’t know where we go from this”

Behind him, James huffs, “Neither do I,” and inexplicably, for the first time since Tony was 20 years old- something in him settles.

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> a href="https://ad1thi.tumblr.com/post/186462970787/can-we-start-over" rel="nofollow">tumblr saw it first  
> [here](https://www.instagram.com/tcnystcnks/)  
> -A


End file.
